DAILY REPORT — Presidential water sports, un-diplomatic behavior, and less cowbell

The landscape of major news media has been quite difficult to navigate lately. Yesterday there was a “breaking” news story alleging that President-elect Trump had been involved with hookers and “water-sports” at a hotel in Russia. The story’s verity was quickly shot down. Sources more trustworthy than BuzzFeed, the outfit that broke the story, revealed the story was pure fabrication. Although, by that time, news writers were already feverishly putting the story to type and publishing articles about it. The story was one of the more egregious examples of “fake news” to materialize recently perpetrated by the major news media.

TRUMP BTFOS REPORTER — Trump unleashed fury today on a CNN reporter who forcefully tried to have the President-elect answer one of his questions during Trump’s press conference. The rude reporter continuously tried volleying his question at Trump out of turn from front row as another reporter tried asking Trump a question at the President-elect’s request. Trump gave the CNN reporter a verbal lashing, telling the reporter he represented “fake news”.

QUEBEC’S REFUGEE BACKLOG — Due to a backlog of private refugee sponsorship applications, Quebec will temporarily suspend new applications as of January 27th according to Minister for Immigration, Diversity and Inclusion Kathleen Weil. The province will process all applications submitted before January 27th.

BEAUTIFUL RIGHT — Are right-wingers better looking? That is what a study by the Journal of Public Economics concluded. The researchers offered a suggestion to explain their findings: Society treats attractive people better so attractive people see the world as being more just and fair. This makes attractive people less egalitarian. Personally, I think progressive SJW-types are bringing down the left’s sex appeal hard. Although the left does have its stunners like US democrat Tulsi Gabbard!

Nancy Holten loves animals, hates cowbells.

BE-HOLTEN TO HER LOVE OF ANIMALS — Vegan and animal rights campaigner Nancy Holten has been denied a Swiss passport despite living in Switzerland since she was eight years old. Holten, born in  the Netherlands, was denied a passport for annoying her neighbors with her advocacy for animal rights, including campaigning against cowbells. In Switzerland citizenship is granted by several criteria. One of those criteria is how people in your community feel towards you. Some of Holten’s fellow community members felt her advocacy against cowbells was an affront to Swiss traditions. The Swiss, apparently, want more cowbell.

UN-DIPLOMATIC BUMP AND GRIND — A 38-year-old woman claims a Sudanese diplomat sexually assaulted her on a New York subway. The woman claims Mohammad Abdalla Ali dry-humped her thigh. Ali’s wife is standing by her man, though. She told a translator that Ali “prays every time. He could never do that.’’

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